Reclaiming my freedom

one mistake

2008-07-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

A slip up doesn't mean that your plan is totally ruined!!! i smoked at a wedding this weekend. just one and not even the whole one. But i am right back on track. Now I am more focused on not gaining another pound. so far i think i have gained 10 so far. but no more. tomorrow is the start of the new day for me. I am going back to weight watchers and i am still not smoking. I realized that i don't need to give up on my plan to quit and i definitely don't need to go back to smoking to lose weight. I know what works and I know what doesn't. fast food and cigarettes dont' work. self control does. its time to finish this project that i started.

Total relaxation

2008-06-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

total relaxation occurs when you take off for a weekend with a great group of people. i went camping this weekend...i returned slightly bruised but so perfectly relaxed. waking up with the sounds of the flowing river, birds chirping, and sun shining ever so gently through the clouds. exhausted...but rejuvenated. life is good again and i am totally ready for the rest of the week.

Day 7

2008-06-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

today was the hardest day so far. i quit my job ( although my resignation was refused). in tears i asked my boss for a cigarette. thankfully, he forgot them at home. i went off on each of my coworkers to my asst. manager and i am sure that several of them heard my rant. inappropriate yes but very therapeutic. shortly after i talked to a couple friends who always cheer me up. today was no exception. I am going camping and floating down the river. a two and a half day vacation from work and family. i am so excited that i am not sure that i will sleep tonight. i will be meeting a majority of the people for the first time. a whole new crowd and new fun things to do. i do not like bodies of water that do not contain chlorine but i am going to try something new!!! i am at the point of my life where i need to make decisions for me and not other people. i can't believe that i have gone 7 days without a cigarette.

day 6

2008-06-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

I have survived my first 5 days. Monday and Tuesday were really hard days due to extreme stress levels mainly caused by work. I have overcome the physical needs of smoking but I still struggle with the mental habits. I am over the need for the morning and after meal cigarettes but I am really having to focus on not smoking when I am stressed out. Instead of smoking when frustrated, I try and focus on why I am letting that particular moment get to me. I have done really well with the working out plan this week. Doing pretty good on the diet, except for the donut this morning. One of my smoking buddies has also quit this weekend cold turkey. It definitely makes it easier to not smoke when your friends aren't asking you if you wanna smoke. I did however sit outside on campus with a friend who is a smoker. It seemed really easy not to ask for one. I really think this is one of the best decisions that I have made. I am sure that I am annoying people but I am telling everyone. It helps me make sure that I stay on track. I am really on my way to reclaiming my freedom and couldn't be more excited!!!

day 3

2008-06-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

i have been smoke free for 72 + hours now. i tried chewing gum but it hurts my jaw and gave me a huge headache. i feel better today than i did yesterday. i tried to avoid living yesterday to make it easier to not smoke. today i had a normal day. i went shopping with my mom and sister, took a nap, and worked on schoolwork. probably should have studied more. i also did much better with eating today. i have 20 days to lose 10 lbs for a wedding. this is going to be the biggest challenge. quit smoking without gaining weight. seems like a pretty hefty challenge but i have a plan. every time i want to smoke, i am going to do some form of exercise. crunches, push ups, wall sits, some stretching, calf raises. i know that i need to find other things to keep me occupied and busy. i am a boredom smoker. chantix helps with the cravings.

Lesson 2

2008-06-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight my dad's company had a company outing where all the employees and their families were invited. I was looking forward to hanging out with my dad because one of my sisters weren't coming due to previous plans and my mom and my other sister weren't going either. As I was getting ready, I was reminding myself that I didn't need cigarettes and that I could enjoy my evening without them. My mom and my sister decided to go at the last minute. I was worried because I don't have a good track record of not letting my family get the best of me. I really had to focus on my plan of not smoking. So we get there and have a wonderful time. The whole time I thought about smoking but I also was counting down the minutes until I had made 48 hours without a cigarette. It seems like a small step but it was a long day. I spent my day sleeping because I was really tired and worn out. This has been a rough day because I know at least one of my triggers is boredom and not having anything to do.

I am going to wedding in a few weeks. This will be the first true test of my decision.

Lesson 1

2008-06-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

The first lesson that I have learned is that I can drink a beer and NOT smoke a cigarette. I made it 24 hours without a cigarette!!! I know it is a small hurdle but it is one that I overcame nonetheless. I wasn't the complete psycho that I thought I would be. It was hard because I really have to learn how to reprogram my brain. Thanks to the Chantix, I had no cravings but it was hard to not smoke during my "regular times". This weekend will be easy since I have nothing but homework to do. Monday night at school will be the next trial. I am not sure how I will be around smokers. My coworkers know that I am quiting and didn't ask me to smoke today but not all of my school friends know yet. It will be hard to be around them without lighting up.

Goals for tomorrow:
wake up and go to the gym.
Eat better and stick to the weight watchers plan.
Enjoy the baseball game with my family without smoking!!

1 day down, rest of my life to go!!!

day 1

2008-06-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

So far, all i can think about is smoking. I don't actually want or crave one. i am so used to my smoke breaks and the times that i always smoke, that i can't wait to get one. i don't know what i would do if i actually had a cigarette in front of me. i guess it is a good thing that i threw that pack away last night. otherwise i might be having an even more difficult time. on the other hand, not so good with the food today. i did make it to the gym this morning for my usual workout but then i got coffee and a huge lunch from jason's deli. i will have to try harder tomorrow to control the food intake.

Last Cigarette

2008-06-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

I just smoked my last cigarette. I have made this statement many times but this time its different. I really want to quit and I have chantix on my side. I have been taking the medicine for 7 days. On the 8th day, you are "supposed" to quit. I believe that I would have quit on day 6, if I had no smokes. I wasn't ready yesterday so I bought another pack, but I bought a pack that I wasn't fond of. Today, I woke up ready to accept today as my last day of smoking. I thought I would have enjoyed them more, knowing that I wasn't going to smoke again, but I didn't. They tasted gross and didn't bring the usual satisfaction. So after class, I decided to have a drink and smoke my last cigarettes. Now I have several still in the pack but they are in the trash. I used to chain smoke while drinking. So with my bloody mary in hand, I went to smoke a few before I went to bed. Knowing that these were going to be the last cigarettes that I smoked, I tried to enjoy the first one. No satisfaction. I knew if I tried a second one, that it would help cement my decision to be smoke free tomorrow. It was awful. I only smoked it because I still have the mentality that I shouldn't waste it. About halfway through, I gave up.
I know that I am about to embark on a journey that is going to test my will power and sanity. Somehow I managed the first 17 years of my life without cigarettes and now I will spend the rest of my life without them. First I have to get over my 9 and 1/2 year addiction.

As far as the Chantix, the dreams are wild. But I already knew that since I have tried to quit before. They were really vivid the first 4 or 5 days but calmed down the last two nights. As far as the rest of the side effects, they are way better than the chronic cough that I have had for the last couple of weeks that comes and goes.

I am reclaiming my freedom from my addiction to nicotine and from the expensive habit that has cost me at least $15,000 dollars over the years.